Deadlock

red by Corvus, he couldn’t bring himself to criticize Dick for taking this path.
Besides, Dick had surely killed people in the past on his missions in his army days.
If he were to blame Dick on moral grounds, wouldn’t the whole state be liable to blame for ordering those numerous murders in the name of justice?

“I’m not disgusted.
I don’t have any right to be.
I just wish that you wouldn’t have to kill any more people, if possible.
Not because lives are precious, or it’s a crime, or anything like that… I just feel like every time you hurt someone, it hurts you, too.”

Yuto inwardly rolled his eyes at himself even as the words left his lips.
They were superficial words, only noble-sounding on the surface.
If he truly understood how Dick felt, he knew that these pretty disingenuous words were not the right thing to say to him.
After all, Dick was completely unafraid of getting hurt from his own actions.

Dick remained silent.
Yuto felt like the man was silently reproaching him. “What can you ever understand about me?” he seemed to say.
The heavy silence was exceedingly uncomfortable.
Feeling suffocated, Yuto got to his feet.

“Where’re you going?” Dick asked.

“I’m going to check the storage,” Yuto said.
“It’ll get cold at night, so I’ll see if I can find some blankets―”

Yuto’s sentence died out on his lips as Dick suddenly grabbed his hand.

“Don’t go.”

“I-I’ll be back soon.”

“No.”

Dick yanked his arm forcefully, catching Yuto off-balance and making him fall to the ground.
He ended up sitting in the man’s lap, straddling his hips.

“The hell was that for?” Yuto blurted.

“Stay here.
I want you to stay.
Don’t leave me,” Dick said with straight face.
Yuto was flustered.
He wondered if the man was teasing him again, but Dick gazed at him in all seriousness.

Dick slowly reached out, and cupped Yuto’s face with his large palms.
Yuto felt his heart beat faster.

“Yuto…”

Dick pulled Yuto’s face closer until their foreheads were touching.
Yuto’s face was a little higher than Dick’s.
The man looked up at him longingly and combed Yuto’s hair out of his eyes with his fingers.

“Stay with me.
I’m begging you.”

His uncharacteristic words; his pained eyes; his hot breath.
Yuto naturally sensed Dick’s inner turmoil.
It was easy for him to understand because he felt the same impulse.

The desire to feel each other’s skin and to sense each other’s body – all it took was a small trigger to instantly stoke those male desires to the highest pitch.
It could be anything – a facial expression, a movement of the gaze, casual words, a tone of voice, a scent, the tone of skin.
Something about Yuto had flipped the switch on for Dick.

As soon as he knew that Dick wanted him, Yuto could no longer hold himself back.
He lowered his face and planted a hesitant kiss on the bridge of Dick’s nose.

“―Hey, Yuto, don’t tease me like that.
I’m at my limit here,” Dick said, his voice throaty with desire.
Yuto wished the man would abandon all self-control.
Growing impatient, he kissed the man on the lips next.

“Yuto…”

“Can’t you tell I’m at my limit, too?” Yuto said plaintively.
A look of surprise crossed Dick’s face, and he gave a small shake of his head.

“But you’re not gay.
You’re just getting caught up in the moment because of me.
I know you’ll regret it.”

“You’re right; I’m not gay,” Yuto said.
“I’ve never wanted to sleep with another guy.
But I want you.
I want to touch you, and I want you to touch me, too.
Because I love you.
Isn’t that enough? Am I not good enough for you?” he argued desperately.

Dick stroked his cheek softly as if he were afraid that Yuto would break.

“I’m not good enough for you.
I can’t say anything to comfort you.
I can’t make any promises.
I have no right to sleep with you.”

Yuto wondered what Dick meant by ‘no right’.
Did he perhaps feel that he was doing Yuto a disservice by sleeping with him while still having lingering feelings for Noel?

“I don’t need anything from you,” Yuto said.
“No promises.
Nothing.
All I need is now.
Just love me now, this moment, while we’re here.
That’s enough.”

There was no guarantee that they would be alive and well tomorrow.
He didn’t have much time left with Dick.
That was why he wanted to share what feelings they had, in the moment, right now.

“I don’t need to hear any excuses or superficial words.
No hesitation and uncertainty, either.
They only get in the way.
If you have even some feelings for me… sleep with me, Dick.”

Dick was speechless at Yuto’s straightforward proposition.

“You’re not going to turn me down, now, are you, after making a straight man say this much?”

“―You win.
You’ve got more balls than me, for sure.”

Having abandoned his hesitation, Dick swept Yuto into a rough, passionate kiss.
Yuto responded with equal passion.
He let himself go, getting lost in Dick’s skilful and sensual kiss.

As their tongues intertwined, Yuto reached for Dick’s hair tie and pulled it free.
A cascade of bright, blond hair fanned out, making the handsome man look even more alluring.
Yuto ran his fingers through Dick’s hair, combing it and smoothing it out, enjoying the feel of it between his fingers.

After they broke off their long kiss, Dick took off Yuto’s shirt.

“Your skin is beautiful.
And smooth, like velvet,” Dick ran his fingers on Yuto’s skin, wearing a dreamy look.
Yuto couldn’t help but smile.

“What?”

“You made fun of my skin before, remember? You said it was like ivory.”

Dick laughed.
“You got me,” he said, pulling Yuto close in an embrace.
“I can’t win against that memory of yours.
I wasn’t making fun of you, though.
I pretended to, but I actually meant it.”

“Even though you thought I was a pesky FBI agent?”

“My head thought so, but my heart was different.
You were such an annoying little devil, messing with my feelings like that.”

As Dick spoke, he rained down kisses on Yuto’s neck, shoulders, and chest.
Yuto straddled Dick’s thighs, his upper body bending back like a bow at being peppered with the sweet sensations.

Everywhere Dick’s lips touched, Yuto felt a tingle of sexual pleasure.
When the man sucked his nipples, he felt heat gather in his lower body, and his crotch beginning to grow hot.
It was his first time feeling this way from having his nipples touched, and he was surprised.
But at the same time, he felt it endearing that his body responded so honestly to Dick’s caresses.

Once he laid Yuto down and took his pants and underwear off, Dick showed no hesitation as he lowered his face into Yuto’s crotch.
Yuto, on the other hand, quickly pushed the man’s face away.

“Don’t.
Oral is too dangerous.
There’s still a risk that I might have contracted HIV.”

“You’re fine.
You haven’t contracted it.
I guarantee it.”

Yuto ended up giving in to Dick’s determination, but insisted for the sake of safety that he stop before Yuto finished, since swallowing semen carried risks, too.

Yuto let his body relax as Dick took his swollen member into his mouth.
One moment, Yuto was feeling a hot, wet sensation close in on his member; soon after, he felt the man’s smooth tongue slithering against it.
A powerful wave of pleasure washed over him that almost left him in tears.

“Ah… mh… Dickm ahh…” Yuto moaned in ecstasy.
Dick’s skilful tongue quickly brought him to the edge.
“Dick, let go… I can’t…!”

When Yuto clutched at Dick’s hair, the man promptly lifted his face and used his hand to finish Yuto.

“Ah―”

Yuto’s back arched, soaking Dick’s hand with his cum.
He took ragged breaths, his mind hazy as he soaked in the lingering pleasure.
Dick used his own shirt to wipe him off.
Once Yuto’s breathing calmed down, he remained lying on the floor as he reached toward Dick’s crotch.

“My turn.”

Dick smiled wryly and told him not to force himself, but Yuto ignored him and forcefully undid the front of his pants.
Dick’s member was already completely erect inside his underwear.

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“Who’s the one forcing themselves, huh? Look at you.
And you were saying I didn’t need to do anything, too.”

“Yuto, you really don’t.
I didn’t mean―”

“Shut up.”

Yuto yanked the man’s underwear down and revealed Dick’s penis.
For a moment, he was intimidated by its length and size, but Yuto renewed his resolve and wrapped his lips around it as deeply as he could.

Although he could only fit half of it in his mouth, Yuto did his best moving his lips and tongue along Dick’s member, hoping to make him feel good.
Its thin skin felt smooth on his tongue, and he felt none of the disgust that he feared.

As he continued intently sliding his mouth along the shaft, Dick reached down along Yuto’s back to his butt.
His fingers softly caressed the crack to his balls, and lightly rubbed the area between them.
Yuto felt a shiver run down his back at the strange but arousing sensation.

Dick licked his finger and softly stroked the tightly closed spot.

“Dick,” Yuto protested in a muffled voice.
Dick ignored him, letting his wet finger slip inside.
Yuto’s sphincter muscles tightened in response, and his insides squeezed Dick’s finger as if to ask for more.
Dick exhaled in what sounded like amazement, and Yuto suddenly felt a rush of embarrassment come over him.

“Not there…”

“I’m only touching it gently.
I won’t hurt you.
Lift your hips.”

The embarrassment was enough to make Yuto want to bolt, but he lifted his hips anyway, wanting to grant Dick’s wishes.
Dick’s finger sank deeper into him, making wet sounds as it probed inside.

“Ah… Dick…”

The feeling of Dick’s finger moving inside him stirred a heated arousal deep in his nether regions that bubbled to the surface.

He was close to cumming again, even though he had just finished.
It was enough to make Yuto wonder what was wrong with his body.

As Dick gently loosened him up with his fingers, Yuto felt his apprehension and fear melt away.
Feeling certain that it would be okay, he got up off the floor and straddled Dick’s legs again.

He held Dick’s penis, wet with his own saliva, and brought it to his opening.
This time, Dick was the one to get flustered.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing? That’s not what I meant.”

“Really? I thought this was the way things are supposed to go.
I’ll be fine as long as it’s gentle.
I’ll go slowly.”

Dick looked at a loss as he gazed at Yuto.

“You’ll go slowly, and then what? If I move my hips too much, you’ll end up getting hurt again.
Just so you know, even I can’t control myself once I get into it.”

“…You won’t hurt me.”

Even as he said those words, Yuto wondered if it was cruel to Dick.
It was like saying he could put it in but not move at all.

“I’m sorry, Dick,” Yuto said.
“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.
I just thought I could make you happy if I did this.
…Let’s forget about it.” Yuto felt a wave of guilt as he tried to move off of Dick, but the man grabbed him by the arm.

“Hey, are you serious? You got me all in the mood, and now you’re calling it off? …Okay, fine.
I’ll try my best not to move, so I want you to come here.
I want you so badly, I’m going insane.”

With that, Dick gave him a peck on the lips.
Yuto was relieved.
Now that he had Dick’s consent, he lowered his hips again and tried to continue what he’d started.
But he struggled with penetration, and the saliva didn’t seem to provide enough lubrication.
Also, he couldn’t help but tense up every time Dick was about to enter him.

Yuto took deep breaths, trying to calm himself.
Dick also caressed his body softly as if to soothe him.
Gradually his hole began to loosen up, and he managed to get the head of the penis – the widest part – to slip in.
After that, he was able to slide the rest of it inside him up to the base without much trouble.

Nonetheless, Yuto couldn’t help but furrow his brow from the pain and pressure that inevitably came with it.
He took several shallow breaths.

“It hurts, doesn’t it? Don’t force yourself,” Dick said, giving him kisses as if to console him.
Yuto knew that it must be hard for Dick, too, being put on hold while penetrating him.

Yuto felt a swell of emotion at Dick’s kindness, and couldn’t bear to stay still and do nothing.
He grit his teeth against the pain and began to sway his hips.
The pain wasn’t much different, as long as there was no in-and-out motion.

Dick let out a guttural moan as Yuto gyrated his hips, with Dick’s penis sunken in down to its base.

“I feel like I’m dreaming.
To have you on top of me, shaking your hips like that.”

“Did you ever fantasize about having sex with me? ‘Fess up.” Yuto squeezed his sphincter muscles, eliciting another moan from Dick.
Yuto felt like some sort of seductress who toyed with men to get her way.

“I did.
I fantasized about going all the way into you, and you’d move your hips and tell me, ‘it feels so good, give it to me harder’.
I’d imagine you, always cool and prim, lose control when you were under me, and my crotch would blow up like airbags.
You don’t know many times I jacked off in secret in the top bunk after you’d gone to sleep.”

Yuto knew he was exaggerating, but he found it strangely humorous that Dick was at the mercy of his male nature.

“Stop laughing,” Dick said.
“You need to get into it, too.”

“I’m fine, I… mmh!”

Yuto felt the flames of desire being lit again as Dick rhythmically pumped his penis with his large palm.
Not wanting to be the only one to finish again, Yuto also drew Dick’s member deep inside him and moved his body.

Dick’s hand moved up and down to match Yuto’s movements.
Yuto became so engrossed that before he knew it, the pain was gone.
Instead, he felt a throbbing sensation deep inside, and a sense of comfort where they were joined.

“Dick… I’m going to cum again.”

“You’re already dripping.
Look how wet you are,” Dick teased.
Yuto felt his cheeks burn.
Dick was right; his clear pre-cum was enough to wet Dick’s fingers.
This had never happened to him before.

“Is it starting to feel good down there?” Dick asked.
When Yuto nodded honestly, Dick asked if he could move his hips.
Yuto said yes, and the man began to move in small, upward thrusts.
There was no pain, but an overwhelming pleasure sent a tingling feeling through his hips.

“Dick, I’m going to… cum…”

“Me too.
It feels so good inside you, I can’t hold it in anymore.”

As Dick rhythmically stimulated him from the front and back at the same time, Yuto felt a powerful climax come over him that nearly made him black out.
He felt like he was rising up and falling down at the same time.
It was a violent pleasure he had never experienced in all the times he had sex before.

“Hah… nh… ahh…!”

As Yuto threw his head back, letting his body go taut as he released himself, Dick also unleashed his desire into Yuto.
Only the sound of their heavy breathing could be heard in the cramped room.

Once the wave of arousal subsided, Yuto clung to Dick’s shoulders, and the man embraced him back firmly.

“Do you feel alright? Does it hurt?”

“I’m fine.
…Can I stay like this for a while?” Yuto said, pressing his cheek against Dick’s.

“As long as you want,” the man said, running his hand through Yuto’s hair.

Wrapped up in Dick’s warmth, Yuto felt all the tension leave his body and soul.

He had finally been able to capture the real Dick, and had been able to get through to his heart that once seemed so out of reach.

Yuto’s heart was brimming with an immense satisfaction.

They had remained joined even after they finished, and eventually Dick’s penis began to stiffen again inside Yuto.

Dick tried to extract himself out of concern for Yuto, but Yuto didn’t let him.

“Hey, you’re still new at this,” Dick said.
“Don’t overdo it.
You’ll be feeling it later.”

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“I don’t care.
I want to feel you more.
Once isn’t enough.”

Normally, Yuto would never think of saying such racy things, but there was not much time left to them.
Yuto decided to abandon his inhibitions and be upfront and honest with his feelings.

“Dick, take me however many times you want so I won’t forget about you.
Please.”

Dick gave a sigh and raked Yuto’s hair back with both his hands.

“…Don’t talk so much.
Everything you say turns me into a powerless puddle of mush.”

“What an honour to render Dick Burnford powerless,” Yuto smiled.
Dick smiled with him, and their lips naturally found each other.
They exchanged short, teasing kisses, then slowly savoured each other’s tongues.
Since both of them had climaxed once already, there was no more sense of urgency.

“Can you turn around?” Dick murmured, and Yuto nodded.
He lifted his hips up to break their connection, and turned his body around so that he had his back to Dick as he straddled the man’s thighs.
As he tried to lower himself onto Dick again, the cum from their previous round came dribbling out.
It acted as a sort of lubricant that made penetration easier than last time.

“How’s this?”

“That’s good.
Don’t worry about doing anything.
Just lean on me.”

Dick’s lips passionately caressed the nape of his neck and his shoulders.
His right hand stimulated Yuto’s penis while his left messaged Yuto’s nipple, making him writhe in Dick’s lap.

“Dick, I don’t want to be the only one… I want you to feel good, too…”

“I’m feeling it, too.
I don’t even have to move – I can feel you squeezing me inside.
It’s incredible.”

Despite what Dick said, Yuto was sure that, as a man, he still had the desire to thrust in and out.
He was sure that Dick was holding back in order to avoid hurting Yuto, who was still recovering from his fever.

But he wanted Dick to feel good.
The desire naturally came to him.
Yuto moved his hips up and down, gently stimulating Dick’s member.

Dick moaned softly and held Yuto’s hips down.

“Does it feel good?” Yuto asked.

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to force yourself.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not forcing myself.
I want to do this.”

As Yuto repeated the motion, more of the cum spilled out, making wet sounds as he moved.
Aroused and spurred on by the sound, Yuto continued moving his hips fervently.

As if to return the favour, Dick pumped Yuto’s penis with his right hand and gently grasped his balls with his left.
Their engorged members rubbed against each other in Dick’s large palm.

“Mmh… Dick… don’t…”

“Don’t what? Look how much you’re enjoying it.”

Yuto couldn’t bring himself to say that it was because it felt too good.
The pleasure was so strong, he could tell that his muscles were twitching involuntarily, squeezing Dick inside him.
He was embarrassed, but even the embarrassment turned into pleasure.

“Stop touching it so much… I’m going to lose it,” Yuto pleaded, tossing his head, but Dick nipped his earlobe from behind.

“Go on and lose it.
I want to see you unravel.”

Dick’s ragged breath tickled his ear.
He turned his neck, seeking Dick’s mouth.
They entwined their tongues together as they let themselves fall into sweet bliss.

It wasn’t the kind of hungry sex driven purely by desire; it was a slow, peaceful act of communicating love to each other, like the comfortable lull of an afternoon.
It melted Yuto’s body and soul with its sweet, comforting embrace.

Climaxing was no longer their end purpose.
Yuto and Dick took their time to make love, taking breaks in between.
When their eyes met, they would kiss, and when they kissed they would clasp hands.
It was a period of utter bliss that made the violent, bloody days until now seem like a distant dream.

“I still wish it could’ve been on a big, freshly-made bed.”

Those nonsensical words came tumbling from above, as Yuto was laying his head on Dick’s lap, resting his exhausted body.
Dick was sitting with his back against the wall, wearing only his pants.

Although it was chaos outside, it was quite inside the room.
It felt strange, as if the world had left them behind, and simultaneously as if they were the centre of the world.

“What do you mean?” Yuto asked.

“For our first time having sex,” Dick said promptly.
“Who knew we would have ended up doing it in this tiny room, on cardboard.”

“I didn’t know you were a romanticist,” Yuto smiled.

“Every guy is,” said Dick, giving Yuto’s earlobe a yank.

“…Dick,” Yuto said after a pause.
“Once you get out, you should take some time off – even for just a day – and just relax.
You should go to the ocean, or something.”

Yuto was a little worried.
He felt like Dick would set off on chasing Corvus as soon as he got out without even slowing down.

“The ocean, huh.
Maybe.
I haven’t seen it in a while.”

“Where’s the beach house you bought with your friends? Did you sell it already?”

“No, it’s still there.
It’s on Kure Beach, in a town called Wilmington.
It has white beaches, beautiful scenery.
But I won’t go there anymore.
No use going alone.”

Yuto gently squeezed Dick’s hand.
It was painful to return alone to a place where he had lived with loved ones and friends.
It would probably bring back memories of all the enjoyable days they spent together, making it unbearable to stay.

“Dick, if you want to… would you tell me your real name?”

Yuto lifted himself up to look Dick face-to-face.
Dick quietly shook his head.

“I can’t.
Forgive me.”

For one, it was probably because he was contracted a CIA agent, but Yuto instinctively knew that it wasn’t the only reason.
Dick didn’t want to reveal his identity to Yuto because Dick didn’t intend for their relationship to start – he intended it to end, right here.

“If I’m lucky enough to get out of here, and I want to see you, what should I do?” Yuto asked.

“You shouldn’t.
I don’t know what’s going to happen to me down the road.
I can’t make any promises to you, no matter how small.
Forget about me.
It’s for your own good.”

Yuto couldn’t bring himself to blame Dick for being cold.
He himself had agreed to it before he sought Dick to have sex with him,

“I don’t need anything from you.
No promises.
Nothing.
All I need is now.
Just love me now, this moment, while we’re here.
That’s enough.”

Dick had said that he only lived to exact revenge on Corvus.
But once that was accomplished, then what? What would he do?

Yuto hoped from the bottom of his heart that Dick would take the step forward to live a new life for himself.
He hoped Dick would fall in love – it didn’t have to be with him – but love someone again like he had once loved Noel, and live out his days in happiness.

Yuto leaned his head on Dick’s shoulder.
Although he was bursting with things to say, he couldn’t manage to put anything into words.
He felt like whatever he said would only make Dick feel worse.

He felt a gentle kiss on his temple.
When Yuto lifted his face, his eyes met with Dick’s.

“Catch some sleep.
You must be tired.”

Yuto closed his eyes as Dick put his arm around him.

In his heart, he wished that this night would go on forever