chapter 15 – father and son heart to heart

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Zhuang Yan changed his WeChat profile picture.

 

His new profile picture was a blue whale leaping out of the water.
If you clicked into it to see it better, the blue whale was very lifelike, and even the splashing water looked as if it was moving.

 

Zhuang Yan, with his new profile picture, was now very active in group chats.
Not only has his activity in group chats increased, but he no longer responded to private messages only when he felt like it.

 

After exchanging a couple of sentences, he liked to ask others what they thought of his new profile picture.
Did it look good? Did it fit him?

 

Not only did he ask in the group chats, but also would chase after people to ask them in private messages as well.

 

Everyone thought that he had fallen sick recently.

 

Friend A: What’s up with Zhuang Yan recently? He changed to a new profile picture and changed his brain along with it?

 

Friend B: He was finally willing to step down from his throne and talk to me in private messages, but it turns out he was only trying to show me his new profile picture.

 

Friend C: I’ve seen people show off their money, their child, or their love.
But this is the first time I’ve seen someone showing off their profile picture.

 

Friend D: But to be honest, his new profile picture looks pretty good.

 

……

 

Qi Rui, as his childhood friend, bore the brunt of his harassment.

 

Zhuang Yan: Here?

 

Zhuang Yan: You here?

 

Zhuang Yan: Say something if you’re not dead.

 

Qi Rui: ?

 

Qi Rui: Just got out of a meeting, what’s up?

 

Zhuang Yan: Brother, what do you think of my new profile picture?

 

Qi Rui: Pretty good.
Where’d you steal the pic from?

 

Zhuang Yan: Fuck you, someone gifted it to me!

 

Qi Rui: Huh?

 

Zhuang Yan: Someone drew it for me with their own two hands! It’s one-of-a-kind! You can’t find it on the Internet no matter how hard you look!

 

Qi Rui: …You came looking for me for this?

 

Zhuang Yan: You people, who don’t have someone willing to draw them profile pictures, don’t understand my feelings.

 

Qi Rui: ???

 

Qi Rui: Forget profile pictures; if I throw some money down, there are plenty of people willing to draw for me.

 

Zhuang Yan: How vulgar.

 

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Zhuang Yan: There are some things you can’t buy with money.

 

Qi Rui: …

 

Qi Rui: Since I haven’t blocked you yet, I think that should signify how much I value the friendship we had growing up.

 

Qi Rui must be jealous of him.

 

Zhuang Yan let out a hmph and stopped bothering Qi Rui, only to open another friend’s private message to continue to show off his profile picture.

 

After a while, Zhuang Yan started worrying again.

 

Xie Ning gifted him this blue whale to him, so what should he give in return?

 

Those two bottles of red wine?

 

Auntie Chen’s grandson was about ready to be discharged from the hospital, so Zhuang Yan had no excuse to go to Xie Ning’s house for dinner anymore.

 

He felt sorry that Xie Ning had prepared the meals with his own hands every time.

 

He hadn’t yet washed his hands and personally made a meat soup for Xie Ning yet.
He wanted to invite him to come over on the weekend to come eat, and give him the two bottles of red wine at the same time.

 

But Xie Ning declined.

 

Xie Ning had to return to the large compound on the weekend to visit Elder Xie.

 

The large compound is the retirement home for Elder Xie and the people in his generation; the surrounding houses are all famous people who have retired.
The surroundings are quiet, there are guard posts on both sides of the street, and there is a guard on duty at every door.

 

It started to snow heavily last night, so a thick layer of snow covered the ground.
Stepping in it leaves footprints, which tempted many children to come outside and play with the snow.

 

Xie Ning asked Wu Shu to pick him up.
They just arrived at the door when another car stopped closely behind them.

 

A couple got out of the car.
They looked like they took good care of themselves, and seemed like they were only in their early forties.

 

The woman’s eyes lit up when she saw Xie Ning, and she greeted him, saying, “NingNing, you just arrived as well?”

 

Xie Ning glanced at the bags she was carrying.
“Mom.” He nodded at the man next to her.
“Dad.”

 

Xie Jing was more stoic than Xia Wan, but when he saw his son, he couldn’t stop smiling, and could barely put his stern face back together before saying, “I knew we should have come to pick you up.
How could we trouble Xiao Wu for this trip?”

 

Wu Shu hurriedly said, “It’s no trouble at all, no trouble at all.
Elder Xie especially wanted me to pick up the Young Master.
If I didn’t make the trip, I would have been scolded when I returned.”

 

Xia Wan wanted to hold Xie Ning’s hand, but seeing his cold stance and expression, she hesitated, saying, “NingNing…”

 

Xie Ning made a sound in response.

 

Xia Wan immediately became happy.
“You got skinnier.
Didn’t I say that it would be hard to take care of yourself when living alone? I’ll make some soup when we get home to make up for it.”

 

Xie Ning calmly said, “There’s no need.
I’m living quite well on my own outside.”

 

Xia Wan didn’t know what else to say, standing to the side, and rubbed her hands together unconsciously.

 

Xie Jing tried to smooth things over.
“We shouldn’t be talking at the entrance.
Dad is waiting for us inside, and it’s snowing heavily outside.
Let’s go inside first.”

 

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Xie Ning didn’t make a sound, and followed Xie Jing and Xia Wan into the door.

 

It was a family dinner today, so there were no outsiders.
Uncle Xia Zun’s family had arrived early, and when Xie Ning and his parents arrived, the housekeeper Uncle Zhong ordered the kitchen staff to start serving the dishes.

 

Elder Xie, in his high position, occupied the main seat.
He pulled Xie Ning into the seat on his right, and in order to not favor one over the other, he arranged Xie An, his other grandson, to the seat on his left.

 

It was normal for the elderly to want his grandsons to make him happy, so nobody objected, and sat down.

 

The Xie family has a rule to not talk about business at the dinner table, so this time, they all talked about trivial and daily matters.

 

The elders were obviously concerned with the subject of marriage.
During the holidays, if they didn’t try to rush them into marriage, it was as if they thought it was a lost opportunity.

 

Fortunately, Xie Ning was still young, and his cousin Xie An was at the forefront.

 

“AnAn,” Elder Xie patted Xie An’s hand, calling him in such a way that made goosebumps form, “Do you have a girlfriend?”

 

Xie An bit the bullet and said, “I’m not in a hurry.”

 

Elder Xie frowned.
“Why are you not in a hurry? You’re not that young anymore, so even if you’re not in a rush to get married, you should still find a girlfriend and settle down.
Your grandmother and I already planned for our middle-aged lives when we were in university, and married each other as soon as she graduated.
It’s a pity that she left me so early, and couldn’t see NingNing when he was born.”

 

As he spoke of Xie Ning’s grandmother, Elder Xie became sad.
Xie Zun and Xie Jing hurriedly tried to comfort him, saying, “Dad…”

 

Elder Xie waved his hand.
“Let’s not talk about these things.
Right now, I just hope that I can see the day you and NingNing get married and have kids.”

 

The Xie family’s style was to be upright and honorable, as well as open-minded.
They didn’t consider their children’s partner to be an object in marriage.
Both sons are free to love whoever they want.
After same-sex marriage became legal, Elder Xie also accepted Xie Ning’s different sexual orientation.

 

“Oh right, I’m getting confused.
NingNing likes men, so I’m afraid the task of having children will be on your cousin’s shoulders.”

 

Xia Wan’s expression hardened for a moment, as if she was very unhappy that this matter was brought up.

 

Elder Xie squinted.
“NingNing, I remember you have a boyfriend already.
His name was Xu…Xu something?” He turned his head to look at Uncle Zhong.

 

Uncle Zhong responded, “Xu Qing.”

 

“Right, Xu Qing.” Elder Xie nodded.
“Xu family’s kid, right?”

 

Xie Ning lowered his eyes.
“We already broke up.”

 

“Broke up?” Everyone in the room looked at him.

 

Xie Ning nodded.

 

Elder Xie paused for a moment, and then said, “Broken up…then broken up it is.
I’ve heard that kid from the Xu family likes to play around, and doesn’t seem to be on the same path that you are.”

 

Xia Wan followed up with, “It’s good that they broke up, it’s good.
You guys should have broken up a long time ago.”

 

There was a slight smile on her face now.

 

Xie An, afraid that Elder Xie would start urging him to get married again, curiously asked Xie Ning, “How did you guys break up?”

 

Xie Ning didn’t want to say too much, and vaguely said, “We didn’t fit together, so we broke up.”

 

Xia Wan nodded in approval.
“It’s a good thing.
If you asked me, the two of you shouldn’t have been together in the first place.
The timing is good.
In a couple days, Mom will introduce you to some girls, they’re all…”

 

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Elder Xie was urging marriage, and Xia Wan had already arranged blind dates.

 

“Mom.” Xie Ning interrupted her coldly.
“I like men.”

 

Xia Wan’s expression cooled down along with his voice.
“What good future could two men have together? Other things aside, you guys wouldn’t even be able to have kids.
You’re just confused.”

 

Xie Ning’s temper is easygoing.
If it was someone else, and about something else, he would have just smiled and let it go without arguing.

 

Only on the topic of sexuality was he scarily stubborn.

 

Xie Ning smiled tauntingly.
“This is something I was born with, and unchangeable.
No matter what you say, I still like men.”

 

Xia Wan became distressed.
“Why does this kid always refuse to listen to me?!”

 

“Xia Wan!” Xie Jing shouted, and Xia Wan remembered that they were at a family dinner, and shouldn’t start an argument in front of Elder Xie.

 

Elder Xie sighed quietly, with a calm expression.

 

Xie An hurriedly tried to smooth things over.
“Aunt Xia, you’re not open-minded enough.
You can’t look at this with outdated vision, since same-sex marriage has been legal for so many years.
Society is always progressing, and our views and thoughts must progress along with it.”

 

Xia Wan moved her lips a little, but because Elder Xie was present, didn’t say anything else.

 

Fortunately, a new dish was served, and Xie Zun got up to give a chopstickful to Elder Xie, successfully moving topics.

 

Elder Xie was getting on in years, and couldn’t bear much fuss.
After eating, he had Uncle Zhong help him back into his room for some rest.

 

Xie Ning was called out to the balcony by Xie Jing to have a heart-to-heart.

 

“Your mom…” Xie Jing pondered how to say the next sentence.
“Don’t blame her.
This is because of the mental disorder she’s had for a long time.”

 

Xie Ning’s head was lowered, and it was hard to see the expression on his face.

 

Xie Jing relaxed his voice.
“You’re our only son.
When you were just born, your mom could hardly bear to let you go.
She didn’t even really use a nanny, and insisted on taking care of you herself.”

 

These heart-breaking words might have moved Xie Ning’s heart if it was the first time he’d heard them, but after so many years, he’d heard Xie Jing say these words so many times, and had no reaction to them anymore.

 

“She and I agree on one thing for you.
We don’t need you to be excellent and above all the rest, but only hope that you can live happily and stably for the rest of your life.” Xie Jing continued to say.

 

Xie Ning turned his head to glance at him, and smiled without smiling.
“Really?”

 

Xie Jing sighed.
“I know you don’t believe it, but she really does love you.
The road of homosexuality is too hard.
So many heterosexual couples end up getting divorced in the end.
Same-sex marriages don’t have children to make things better, so there’s many years of conflict, and there aren’t many couples who can be happy together.
Even though same-sex marriage is legal, society still looks at homosexuality differently.
Look around you.
How many same-sex couples actually get married?”

 

“I believe that she loves me,” Xie Ning said quietly.
“But I’d rather she not love me.”

 

Xie Jing raised his head forcefully.
“You…”

 

Xie Ning sarcastically said, “What does she hope for me to do? Listen to her, not like men, marry a random woman and have children with her, and live the rest of my life unhappily?”

 

Xie Jing furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“I can’t do that.” Xie Ning curled his lips upwards.
“I can’t become the normal person in her mind.”

 

“NingNing…”

 

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Xie Jing wanted to say something, but Xie Ning interrupted him.
“Dad, whenever we talk like this, we just say the same things over and over.
I’m tired of listening.”

 

“I know it’s hard for you to be between Mom and I,” he said, “But I won’t give in.”

 

“If she really can’t accept this, then have her…”

 

“Pretend that she never gave birth to me.”

 

Xie Jing was outraged.
“How could you say such a thing!”

 

Xie Ning looked at him plainly.

 

Xie Jing took a deep breath, and lowered his voice.
“Take it back! Don’t ever say something like that again!”

 

Xie Ning turned his head, and looked out over the balcony into the garden.

 

His expression was very stubborn.

 

Xie Jing finally let out a small sigh, and ruffled Xie Ning’s hair.

 

From the time his son stood in front of them and firmly came out of the closet, he knew that they were walking farther and farther apart along a forked road.

 

Xie Jing left the balcony after a while, and Xie Ning, in low spirits, stared down at the trees rustled by the wind.
Snow fell softly from the branches, just like catkins did.

 

He suddenly remembered a sentence: An injury from a stranger is only a flesh injury, but an injury from someone close to you, is what can cause heartbreak, extraordinary pain, and the like, without ever being able to forget it.

 

His mood didn’t improve, even when Wu Shu sent him home.

 

All along the way, he was silent.
Wu Shu saw how heavy his mood was, and didn’t dare to disturb him, deep in thought.

 

When he got out of the car, Xie Ning was suddenly taken aback.

 

At the villa’s entrance, in front of the iron bars on the door, there was a snow rabbit waiting there.
The rabbit was about one meter tall, and its hands, made of branches, were open, as if welcoming his return.

 

He’d seen a snowman made out of snow before, but this was the first time he was seeing a snow rabbit made of snow.

 

Next to the snow rabbit, Zhuang Yan was wrapped in a scarf, with his hands in his pockets, and gave Xie Ning a smile.

 

“You’re finally back.
I waited for so long that this rabbit almost melted.” Zhuang Yan impatiently kicked the piled snow next to him.

 

There were stars shining in his eyes.

 

Zhuang Yan raised his eyebrows.
“Do you like it, Mr.
Rabbit?”

 

Xie Ning’s heart beat rapidly for a while.

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Author’s Note: I found out a little angel was calling Zhuang Yan, Zhuang Zhuang, and suddenly felt like the nickname was super cute!

 

Today is a slightly silly Zhuang Zhuang!

 

Zhuang Zhuang: Look, guys, this is the profile picture NingNing drew for me specifically; you can’t get one even if you’re jealous!

 

Translator's Notes:

xiao wu – his name is wu shu, but addressing him as “xiao wu” means they're 1) older than him and 2) probably somewhat close

object in marriage – aka, they didn't force their children to marry for company matters or stuff like that